Monday, March 31, 2008

karma is on my side

thanks for finding my anonymous blog that i wrote over a year ago to help me through the dissolution of our friendship. it must have taken you a long time to find it. do you really have enough time to search all the blogs until you find one written about you? wow! well, now you've found it and outed me. do you feel better? do you feel accomplished? i know this is a reaction to my myspace blog. it amazes me that you assume everything is about you. hmm...

i am glad that lindsey finds it so funny. i assume she does realize that "i am jack's fiery ball of rage" was to her. i might be upset if i was so pathetic of a person that one of my best friends didn't trust me to watch her child and lied to me about it for 6 months because i endangered the child because i watched him while high. i guess that's the difference between us.

i really don't mind that you've found it. it was never really meant for anybody to read, but it is all true, and how i felt at the time. maybe for the sake of disclosure you should also post that last horribly rude and delusional email you sent me. maybe even all of them. you have offered before as a threat. please do. please post them. or i guess i could. i'll leave that up to you. i have no desire to air your personal stuff.

i really should stop reading your blog. it's like celebrity gossip, it is entertaining watching other people's drama. it just so happens i am not entertained by celebrity, so i watch you circle the drain instead. i am glad things are going better for you. i don't wish bad things upon you, i just don't want you in my life.

so, we have had this disscussion before, but it apparently bears repeating. please don't contact me again. i know this was not dirrectly, but you obviously wanted to get a rise out of me. i think it may be time that you let this go. don't you? good luck!


Tuesday, March 20, 2007

thank you for letting me go.

to whom it may concern,

i have recently come to realize how happy i am that we are no longer friends. i did not realize that over the last few years our friendship was a weight around my neck getting heavier and heavier and literally dragging me down. i think i could have easily drown. i really feel like now i can have a good life and succeed. i feel so light. you become the energy that surrounds you, and thank god, i have gotten your energy, and a few others, away from me.
i also realize now that there was not really anything left for me to be hanging around for. i got to where the only time i was really comfortable around you, and enjoyed being around you was when i was drinking. i really don't drink anymore, but when we were together i always felt like i had to. i always assumed it was because you were drinking, but that is not it. i now know it was because we no longer have anything in common. i didn't have anything to say to you if i didn't have a few drinks. i don't know why i was still hanging on, because the person i loved was already dead and gone. i guess i was just still in mourning. honey, today i am taking off that black dress.
our friendship was something i would have held on to for forever, because i did love you, and i would have drown trying to save you. i am so glad this story has a different ending. thank you for letting me go.


Sunday, February 11, 2007

Be careful what you wish for

To whom it may concern,
I can't say I didn't find some small joy out of this new news. I know I could help, in the way that I would help any of my close friends. However, you have chosen for us to no longer be friends. So, I find some joy out of your frustration, because you turning your back on me has bitten you in the ass. Now, none of that matters. I had decided to take my anger, and use it as motivation to make my life much better. You have just made that so much easier. I do feel bad for you, but mostly I would just like to laugh.

Good Luck,

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

i am jack's fiery ball of rage

to whom it may concern,
just so you know, i think you are a cunt. i think you are a pathetic person, and i am just amazed at the fact that you have the balls to be so arrogant, when in actuality you really suck as a person. you act as if you are so smart and so right all the time, when the rest of us know that you are really not all that smart and you are clinging to a dude who is only with you because you are a guaranteed lay. i'm not going to get in to him, but let's just say, he is nothing to be proud of either. your pathetic rant about you sister trying to kill you, there is only so many times that i can hear that. so because your life is so terrible, you think you need xanax, and because you can't even control that, your friend won't let you watch her kid anymore because you come over slurring your speech and steal their drugs. you are waste of my fucking oxygen!! how dare you make fun of others, when you can't even keep your shit straight! don't kid yourself, if you were so fucking special you wouldn't need to intoxicate yourself so much so you don't feel the pain of being such a fucking loser!!!

your friend,

Friday, November 17, 2006

Losing you

To whom it may concern,
I feel that our friendship is on the brink of extinction. I feel as if our relationship is one sided and maybe I should let it go. I understand that things change, priorities change but this is not where our problems lies. You attitude is a disease upon our friendship. I have been hanging on to, trying to repair, and upset about us, but the more I think about it, I am not sure why, and I don't think I care.
For over a year, you have made me uncomfortable being around. I can't even explain it. For someone who talks about how much friends mean to you, you haven't been much of one for a while. I know you have gone through a lot this year, that is why I have spent every Friday night of the last year on your porch listening to you. I know now that what you want is someone to validate your feelings and tell you you are right, and not offer any helpful advice. I am sorry, that is not me. I will listen, but I will always tell you what I think and try to help. I am sorry that it wasn't what you were looking for. I think the main barrier to us communicating is that you expect me to say something or act a certain way because of my attitudes in the past, and when i do not say those things or act that way, you hear it that way anyway. You get mad at things I did not say, and we argue over whether or not they happened, because that is the way you heard it, but it is not the way it happened. As far as the things that you think happened 2 years ago, you should have said something then, because I think I remember the conversation too, but holy fuck, it was 2 years ago.
I guess it boils down to you not liking me as a person, because you can stop being friends with me because you don't like what I have to say, but you can continue to be friends with the person that you felt like was endangering your child. I am good enough to watch your kid for 6 months for free, but not be friends with. However she is not good enough to watch you child, but since she agrees with everything you have to say, she is good enough to be your friend. That is pretty warped.
I think that you are one of the most selfish people I have ever met. Things only happen the way you want them to. Our conversations are composed of what is going on with you. I have gone over and beyond what any other friend would have ever done for you, and when I ask for help you tell me not to hold my breath. I honestly have no fucking clue why am trying to hang on to this relationship. All of my close friends tell me to quit thinking about it, that you are not worth it, but it is hard. We have had so many good times in the past, but I think those are long gone. I am tired of having my feelings hurt, because I don't feel like you care about me as much as other friends. I am tired of being the one giving and giving without ever receiving back. I am tired of being the only one putting forth any effort towards our friendship. I can't believe I was hanging on to this shit!
Needless to say, I think we are done. I guess it took me looking at all of this on paper to realize that you are a bad friend. I think I held on for a long time because you were fun and we used to be so close. Well, I think we both know neither of those is true anymore. I am so sorry that I tried so hard. What a waste of energy!! I am done.